In Vegas His Troubles Were “Dublin,” So To Speak
Dearest Darlin’ Dora,
It’s a wee bit of a problem I’m havin’ and I’m hopin’ you can help. It’s a trip to Las Vegas I had, yes I did, with some gold I had stashed under a rainbow. It seemed a likely time to use it.Well, at first I was havin’ meself a high time, I was. Two lovely, leggy lassies clung to me everywhere I went. Expensive drinks I bought for them and gave them money to gamble. Begorrah! Seems my luck ran out on me. I lost every stinkin’ penny I had on them and in the slot machines!
Those lassies were talkin’ over my head, I hate it when people do that. I might not be tall, and I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I know when people are talkin’ about me. Soon…Poof! They were gone just like my money. Now, me pockets are empty and all me friends are gone. You’d think I had leprosy or somethin’. Me poor heart is aching. What should I do next?
Signed,
A lonely not so Lucky The Leprechaun
Dear “Leper” chaun,
It sounds like you slid down the banister of life and found a splinter pointing the wrong direction! What do you mean your luck ran out? If you are lucky enough to be Irish, you are lucky enough! Though I wouldn’t know about that.
Your problems are of your own making, and you are going to have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. There’s an Irish saying you should know: “Remember even if you lose all, keep your good name; for if you lose that you are worthless.”
First, why in the world did you have your gold under a rainbow? Put it in a saving account where you can earn a whopping 3% interest on it!
Second, consider that you may have a gambling problem! Get yourself into a program, because gambling addiction is a serious matter.
Third, if you need money, I’m betting you can make a bundle endorsing cereal.
Fourth, what’s the use of being Irish if the world doesn’t break your heart? Those “lassies” were dogs…they were just after your lucky charms! You don’t need them!
Fifth, if you find people talking over your head, read the dictionary!
Now, go have a wee drop of Guinness to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day. And, may you get all your wishes but one so you always have something to strive for.
Kiss, kiss
