Getting A Date For Valentines Day
Yes, Dear Readers, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. What a boon for Hallmark cards, your local jewelry store, and your florist! Have you purchased a gift for your sweetie? If not, you might already be too late!
Buying a gift can be so difficult. Your mother always told you, “when choosing a gift, pick something you would like.” Your mother was wrong!
Men, remember that sparkly diamonds really are a girl’s best friend. If diamonds are too pricey for your wallet, go for flowers or candy (unless she is on a diet, in which case she will not thank you for sabotaging her hard work).
The best gift you can give is your time. Take her out for a nice meal, and make your reservations now. If you don’t make reservations, you might find that the only restaurant with table space on Valentine’s Day is Hooters. While that might please you, your sweetie might not have the glands to appreciate those scantily clad waitresses.
What?
You don’t have a sweetie? Obviously, you are doing something wrong! Hopefully not as wrong as this fellow, who wrote me a letter just today:
Dear Dora,
Help. All’s I was doing was trying to get a date. See, I ain’t been having no luck. My friends all said I should be direct. So, I was. There was a hot chick at the jury room at the courthouse the other day. I passed her a note. I got arrested for it! What did I do?
Signed,
In The Slammer
Dear Slammer,
I read about you in the Denton Record Chronicle Police blotter! Isn’t it a small world? I’m sure that jail cell is small!
The newspaper reported that your note said you wanted to have “illegal sexual relations” with her. Well, duh! If you had said you wanted to have “legal sexual relations” with her, you might not be in this trouble!
Obviously, you have a poor concept of the definition of “date.” When you are released, write me and I’ll try to explain it to you.
Look on the bright side, at least if you are in jail for Valentine’s Day, you have the potential for lots of “dates.” Watch your back!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Kiss, Kiss
